Modding Your Internal Hardware: How To Remove Upper-Midrange Peaks With Audiophile Olive Oil (April Fool’s 2020)

THE PROBLEM

What? Audiophile olive oil? Who has not had the disappointing experience of unboxing a long expected earphone and then be shocked by an overly harsh and hard sound perception. Such hardness is typically introduced by peaks between 2 and 4 kHz, the most sensitive frequency segment for the human ear. Or not? It has been established that Asian provocative ears are less sensitive to shrillness and shoutiness, in fact such sonic liveliness is deemed desirable [our article on nasty peaks]. Western ears are more cautious towards uberrepresented frequencies, but the western markets are negligibly small in comparison so that Chi-Fi tuners frequently do not offer special consideration. European and North American customers have no choice but deploy either (reversible) modding techniques or add third-party devices.

We have discussed on this blog before that the cheapest way of altering sound in an earphone is changing the stock tips [our article on eartips]. Narrow-bore tips typically yield a deeper, tubier soundstage, whereas wide-bores attenuate bass and reveal treble. The second cheapest way of changing sound is (reversible) modding [our reversible modding principles]. Micropore tape over nozzles can work wonders with that peaky upper end. If you are a lawyer or heart surgeon, or another rich twit, you may try your luck with pricey cables or calm the sound of your expensive however aggressive earphone with the distant memory of your pleasant unboxing experience.

But have you ever considered not altering the external hardware, i.e. earphones, but rather manipulating the internal hardware, i.e. your very own ear canals? Humans manipulate their hardware all the time for all sorts of purposes, from working out in the gym for fitness, through seeking healthy improvements by medications or supplements, even plastic surgery, to doping in professional sports.

THE SOLUTION

Researchers at the “Max Planck Institut für Strömungsforschung” in Germany have discovered an amazingly simple way of smoothing perceived sound by smoothing your ear canals to minimize internal distortion and resonance. To achieve this, the researchers first shaved the accessible frontal part of the ear canal and then lubricated the inner walls. In order to achieve maximum smoothness, the lubricant has to be of a favourable viscosity.

Viscosity is defined as a measure of the internal friction, that is the resistance of a liquid against being moved/deformed. According to the researchers, the viscosity of the fluid in the ear has to be just right so that the thin film covering the ear canal does not tear when the earpieces are inserted. Dr. Schnuckelbein, who was leading the team of the Max Plank Institute, told audioreviews.org that olive oil fulfills all these requirements. But hold it, not any cheap olive oil does the job. The one that works best comes from the Argana valley in Morocco and from various locations of Tunesia.

PROFESSIONAL TESTIMONIES

Other reviewers confirm my positive experience. The Crinch reports that the lubrication of the olive oil put his graph tool into an endless spin. The Audiotool found the oil useful for removing rust from himself, and the ant-eater uses it for frying up his dinner, too. Not sure how the Contraceptionst deployed it but primate audio failed to superimpose graphs of different earphones after too generous an application…they simply slipped off each other. Alaskan good girl bad girl (AGGBG) eventually even smoothened out her foul language with the oil so that Discord were forced to rename themselves to Concord. Co-blogger KopyOkaty, finally, was very successful in restoring his hearing and recover from his moderate deafness. Only Dead-Fi remained dead, even with the finest audiophile olive oil.

CONCLUDING REMARKS

In summary, audiophile olive oil is way more effective and versatile than snake oil for improving one’s listening pleasure. Applied together with hard liquor, it creates a sensation of optimistic listening, promotes expectation bias, and it has been proven as a good tool against buyer’s remorse. Last but not least it is is much cheaper than snake oil, too. You can order a 10 ml bottle of audiophile olive oil from us for only $49.99; worldwide shipping and a free pipette included. Hey, after all, we have to start making some money.

And since we can’t do this every day, our special offer will expire on 2nd April 2020.

Keep on listening!

FURTHER READING

Tweaking Tips – A Simplified Guide To IEM Silicone Eartips by KopiOkaya (2020-03-24)

Chi-Fi Tuning – Why It Sounds So Damn Piercing To Western Ears? by KopiOkya (2020-01-07).

Modding 101 The Principles Of Reverse Modding

You find an INDEX of our most relevant technical articles HERE.